Last night I had the amazing opportunity to be interviewed by Elder Kay Starks. We had a transparent, in depth and quite hilarious conversation about the reality of infertility. If you missed that broadcast click the link below 👇 to watch.
At one point in this interview we began talking about the seemingly innocent things people say that are actually insensitive. I know that sometimes people don’t know that what they’re saying is insensitive so I’ve created a list to help you guys out with that. And just know that what you think is a perfectly normal question or comment can actually be damaging and depressing for the person you’re talking to.. Like seriously, it can actually make a person go into a mood or state of mind that can take hours, days and sometimes months to come out of. So here goes…
What not to say to women experiencing infertility or child loss….
1. Maybe it just wasn’t God’s will –
Let’s just throw this WHOLE statement away. This statement is not helpful whatsoever and it makes us feel inadequate and unworthy.
2. Maybe you should have more faith – Seriously guys, we have to stop presuming the faith is lacking just because someone is struggling
3. You should JUST relax, adopt, become a foster mom or try IVF (pretty much any statement that starts with the word JUST can be damaging) –
Relaxing is not a cure, IVF is expensive and not guaranteed, and fostering/adopting should should be thoroughly thought out and not taken lightly.
4. You can have my kids –
I’m still trying to figure out the logic behind this statement. Ma’am, I don’t want YOUR kids, I want my own. Seriously though, this comment makes us give you side eye…
5. Are you sure you want kids, they’re a lot of work –
Trust me if a woman is willing to go to endless doctors visits, get poked and prodded, and fill her body with medications she can barely pronounce then YES, she is sure.
6. You can always try again – Although this statement is technically true the emotional turmoil that surrounds infertility and child loss can make a woman be apprehensive about trying again.
Although this isn’t an exhaustive list of things you shouldn’t say, it’s definitely a start. I pray that this help you as you are supporting your friends and family members that are dealing with infertility. Remember, if you don’t know what to say just tell her you’re thinking of her and simply ask her what she needs in that moment.
If all else fails just say that you’re praying for us!
Hey girl, Hey!
Today kicks off National Infertility Awareness Week (NIAW) and the theme for this year is “FLIP THE SCRIPT”.
We are absolutely in love with this year’s theme because it’s way past time for us to change the conversation surrounding infertility.
For so long infertility has been a taboo subject that NOBODY wants to talk about. But with the number of people infertility affects increasing (1 in 8 by the way), we can’t afford NOT to talk about it.
This disease is affecting our physical health, our state of mind, our marriages and our relationship with God…. Sigh… We can no longer choose to talk about it (or not), this conversation has now become a necessity…
With all that being said, we are taking the pledge to make infertility loud and flip the script this week. We will be posting about it. We’ll be tweeting about it. We’ll be going LIVE about it. Why!? Because it’s THAT serious. Make sure you’re following us (@wombprep) on social media all this week to see how we’re flipping the script about infertility!
#NIAW2018 #FlipTheScript #ttc #ttcsisters #infertility #pcos #ivf #fertility #ttcjourney #pregnancy #ivfjourney #infertilitysisters #support #infertilitysupport #unexplainedinfertility #infertilityjourney
About 2 weeks ago, I got a text from a friend saying “I want to share something with you”. Now when I read that text I wasn’t sure how to feel. I can sometimes have an overactive imagination so I didn’t know if I needed to be concerned or not. My heart started beating fast and all kinds of thoughts were running through my head. It was the most stressful 30 seconds of my day LOL. But thankfully after I responded “Ok”, my friend quickly sent a text back telling me that she was pregnant……
Cue the sorrowful tears, right? NOPE… There were no tears. There wasn’t even that pinch of jealousy that I used to feel upon hearing that another woman is pregnant. There was nothing…. BUT JOY! Pure, unadulterated joy. Now, for the average woman, joy would be the default emotion when hearing that her friend, who has been in a season of waiting, has become pregnant. But for a woman like me, who is also in a season of waiting; joy can sometimes feel like a phantom emotion that’s not easy to obtain. This is why I consider this text encounter a major Small Victory!
It’s a victory because I didn’t cry for what I didn’t have.
It’s a victory because I had no feelings of jealousy.
It’s a victory because I was able to FREELY celebrate my friend on her pregnancy.
It’s a victory because God is still working miracles. (THAT PART!)
Sometimes, we can get so caught up in trying to obtain the big victories – pregnancy and giving birth to a baby – that we neglect the small ones that are happening every single day. This is actually pretty sad because neglecting the small victories also means missing the bigger picture.
We miss praising God for our progress.
We miss a positive change in our perspective.
We miss the opportunity to encourage and witness to others.
We miss recognizing that miracles are still happening.
And these things, my dear friends, are things that we should never miss while on this journey.
So what small victories are you celebrating today?
Maybe your small victory isn’t like mine… That’s perfectly ok. Yours could be getting through a baby shower in one piece or being able to walk through the baby aisle at Target with your head held high.
Whatever your small victory is, be sure to celebrate it. Know that God is working everything out and HE IS concerned about everything that concerns you (See Psalm 138:8).
This is the main thought that I’ve had everytime I thought about what I wanted for Christmas. Can I be honest with you all? These last few weeks leading up to Christmas have been one BIG emotional roller coaster filled with all kinds of twists, turns, loops and dips. I’m pretty sure that I have felt every emotion imaginable. I’ve gone from happy to sad to laughing to crying, to frustration to joy – all within a 3 week period. And all because I know 2 pink lines won’t be my Christmas present.
And I imagine I’m not the only one. Has this holiday season been hard for you? Have you been on an emotional roller coaster because the ONE THING you want for Christmas, is something you know you won’t get? If you answered YES, I want to encourage you today.
One thing God taught me during this emotional holiday season is that IT’S OK!
It’s ok to cry
It’s ok to feel sad
It’s ok to be over it for a day a two
It’s even ok for you to cancel plans of spending
time with friends or family.
As long as you don’t stay in that sad and depressed state, it truly is ok.
Another thing that God taught me in my emotional state was to be thankful for what He’s already given me and to praise Him now for what’s to come at a later date. So although I won’t see two pink lines on THIS Christmas, I’ve made a decision to be happy anyway. And I encourage you all to do the same.
Let’s not get so caught up in our desire for children, that every other blessing God has given us fades to the background. When we allow that to happen, we run the risk of wasting a chance to be thankful. And that, my loves, is something we should never waste.
God has been to good for us to focus on what we don’t have. So even though our babies aren’t here yet and we won’t be surprised with 2 pink lines on Christmas; let’s think about those things we can rejoice about. And while we’re at it let’s start praising God NOW for our precious babies.
Because friends, let me tell you, the babies… OUR BABIES… are coming. We may not know when or even how, but rest assured…. It’s happening. God promised us that we will birth these precious children and I know He will deliver on that promise in His perfect timing! But until He does, let’s prepare while we wait and live our lives pleasing Him.
Merry Christmas, ladies!
A few days ago, I was scrolling through Facebook and came across a beautiful post entitled “When You Want To Cry In Target”. This post touched on how women with infertility struggle with going through the baby aisles and buying gifts for baby showers and birthdays. If you would like to read the article click below :
This post really resonated with me and made me shed a few tears because I know all too well how difficult this can be. I know what it’s like to have to take a deep breath just to keep from shedding tears in the middle of the store. I know what it’s like to be frustrated because you wish you were shopping for your baby instead of someone else’s. And I know whats it’s like to have to fight off the feelings of grief, confusion and sadness hours and even days after going through the baby aisles. My loves, I know what all of that is like. But allow me to give you a new perspective………
Today, I want to talk about the BLESSING in the baby aisle! YES, you read that right! I did say BLESSING!
I know, as women on a Journey to Motherhood, having to go through the baby aisles can seem like a curse. You start wondering why God blessed your loved one with a baby instead of you. You even start to question if God loves you and if so when would He bless you with your baby. Needless to say, this is a very bad experience for most women in our shoes. But it doesn’t have to be…. Going through the baby aisles can actually be a good thing. Here’s how….
1. IT CAN GIVE YOU HOPE For most of us, having hope during this journey seems like an impossible task. After all, it’s hard to hope for something when you’ve been praying, crying, and fighting for it and it still hasn’t come. So, This is where a shift in perspective will have to take place. If you always associate the baby aisles with hopelessness and sorrow that is how you are going to feel every single time. But if you change your mindset and begin to open your heart to hope and faith then that changes everything. It really all comes down to how you look at it. So the next time you find yourself in the baby aisle, don’t feel sorry for what you don’t have. Instead, let hope spring forth and praise God for what’s to come. Because just like God did it for the 7 women in the bible, He can also do it for you.
2. IT ALLOWS YOU TO PUT YOUR FAITH INTO ACTION Ladies, it’s great that we’re praying, fasting, hoping and believing that God will in fact keep His promises to us concerning our babies but now it’s time to back our faith up with some action. James 2:17 says: “In the same way, faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead”. I believe that one of the best ways we can put our faith to work is by going BABY SHOPPING. And I’m not talking about shopping for your friend’s or loved one’s baby. I want you to go baby shopping for YOUR baby…..
I know… I know… Sounds crazy right!? I can just imagine some of ya’ll giving me the side eye while reading this, but hear me out…..
Some of you are probably thinking “But I’m not pregnant yet”…
Others of you may be saying “People are going to think I’m crazy”…
And there may even be some that are wondering “WHAT IF I have a miscarriage or my baby dies?”…
Let me stop you right there…! Don’t allow fear or other people’s perception to prevent you from activating your faith while on this journey. Going baby shopping sends a message to the enemy and let’s him know that you may not know when or even how but you do have faith that it is going to happen.
And you don’t have to decorate the WHOLE baby nursery right now but start off small. Purchase things like onesies, mittens, and socks. From what I hear and have seen second hand, babies go through a million onesies and socks a month so you can never have to many (LOL). Then when you feel more comfortable, consider purchasing bottles, pacifiers and other small things. You’ve sacrificed so much time and money for other people’s children now it’s time to do the same for yours.
Ladies, God wants us to be prepared for the children that He’s promised us and there’s no better time to start that preparation than NOW! So my challenge to you all is to buy ONE thing for your baby every month. Will you accept the challenge???
I know that seems like a rather harsh way to start off a blog post (especially since I haven’t written anything in a while)… BUT.. It’s the absolute truth. Infertility is emotionally draining. It tests your hope and faith in God. And for a lot of women, it is even physically painful. So yeah… like I originally said, it sucks!
But as horrible as infertility is, I have a lot of “what if” questions concerning it. Now, these aren’t your typical “what if” questions dealing with infertility like: “What if I didn’t have that abortion” or “what if we would have started trying sooner”… No… my questions are a bit different. They are more along the lines of….
WHAT IF… we look at this “infertility” thing totally different?
WHAT IF… we changed our perspective about our Journey to Motherhood?
WHAT IF… we saw this thing the way God sees it?
Then how differently our faith, hope, emotions and our very lives would be.
One of the most important things that I’ve learned about this journey is that it’s all about….
According to Google perspecive is described as
a particular attitude toward or way of regarding something; a point of view.
It just depends on how we CHOOSE to look at things. We can choose to be in our feelings all the time and view this thing from a human, fleshly perspective. Or we can choose to see things from God’s point of view. It really does come down to simply being a choice. But just make a note that if we choose the fleshly perspective we’ll miss the beauty and blessings that are in the midst of the pain and turmoil.
The thing about the fleshly point of view is that it’s only one dimensional. All we’re able to see is the pain, suffering, tears and turmoil. But God’s perspective is multi-dimensional and multi-faceted. It’s only within God’s perspective that we’ll really understand that this journey is not only happening to us but it’s also happening for us (see Romans 8:28). There is a divine purpose for us going through this journey. Remember, there is NOTHING that we go through that God doesn’t know about and hasn’t already pre-approved (read Job 1).
As horrible as this journey may be, God has given us blessings in the midst of it all. Think about your newfound, authentic relationship with Christ; the deep intimacy you’ve experience with your husband; the revelation of your purpose and your platform; or your compassion and empathy for other women (regardless of religious and cultural backgrounds)… These, my dear friends, are blessings that God has given us in the midst of all the hurt and pain. These things (and so many more) are our “beauty for ashes”. So the next time you find yourself talking about your infertility journey, don’t forget to mention the beauty and blessings.
It’s OK to feel sad and long for your unconceived child. It’s OK to mourn the loss of your unborn child. It’s even OK to ask God why certain things are happening in your body. All of this comes with the territory. Just dont forget to tell the world how good God has been and what He’s doing for you in the middle of your journey!
I think that I can speak for most women on this Journey to Motherhood and say that waiting is one of the most difficult parts. I know for me, when God told me that I would have a child, I expected it to be smooth sailing afterward….. That is so not the case, lol. Years later and I’m STILL waiting. When it comes to this journey and the waiting process, there can be so many unanswered questions like: Why me? What did I do wrong? Why does she get to have a baby and I don’t? How long am I going to have to wait?… The questions really are never ending. And considering the circumstances, those questions are perfectly normal. But I want to encourage you to not let those questions and your current situation overwhelm you.
As hard as it may be to believe, there really is a blessing in this waiting process. Don’t miss it by dwelling on things that are well out of your control. Instead, I challenge you to adopt a new perspective about this whole journey. Consider the fact that maybe God has allowed you on this journey to teach you lessons you would not have otherwise known or took the time to learn. Let’s face it….. The only reason some of us talk to God or even have a relationship with Him at all is because we’re on this journey. Sometimes, God has to do some interesting things to get our attention. This journey may be one of those things for you. So instead of thinking of it as a burden, look at it as a blessing. I understand that may be a little hard to do but try to do it anyway. Listed below are a few ways this journey can be a blessing……
#1. This journey can help you figure out your God-given purpose…….
One of the most amazing things about being a Daughter of the King is that our Daddy is super strategic. Seriously, everything that happens to us is all for purpose (See Romans 8:28). So, it came as no surprise to our AMAZING GOD that you were diagnosed with infertility or experienced that miscarriage. Although, those experiences are super painful to go through, God is using them for HIS glory and to show you what your purpose on this earth really is.
#2 This journey can help you cultivate a closer relationship with God.
Let’s be honest here…… Before we found ourselves on this journey, some of our relationships with God truly sucked, lol… In the spirit of transparency, I can honestly say that before alllllll of this, I barely talked to God. I would go to church on Sundays and participate in church activities during the week sometimes, but that was really the only time we communicated. But going through this has taught me how to really be one with God. It’s taught me to how to have an authentic relationship with Him. He is truly my best friend…!
#3 God can use this journey to show and teach you certain things.
One of the greatest lessons I’ve learned in the past few years is that God is ALWAYS speaking, teaching and revealing. It’s up to us to listen when He speaks, learn when He teaches and receive when He reveals. We can’t get so caught up in the logistics of this journey that we miss everything else that God is doing.
#4 This journey has the potential to strengthen your marriage and friendships (some, not all)
Trying to maintain a marriage and friendships during this journey can be a difficult task. With emotions running high, hormones all over the place, and questions still unanswered; it can be a bit tricky. But it’s NOT impossible to have strong, healthy and happy relationships. The key is that ALL parties involved have to really work at it. This means that friends have to be understanding when they don’t really want to be. And spouses have to be intentional about their marriage in the midst of everything else going on…. Yeah, I know that’s hard sometimes but it’s worth it…
#5 This journey shows you that God is working behind the scenes…
If you don’t learn anything else from this article, please know and understand that God is truly working behind the scenes. You may not be able to see or feel what He is doing but I PROMISE He is working. He has a master plan for everything you’re going through and will reveal it when it’s time. In the meantime; stay prayerful, stay hopeful and stay faithful (See Romans 12:12).
This journey is full of God’s blessings, it’s just up to us to recognize them.
If this article blessed you then share it on your social media and tell your friends and followers about it.
So….. Tomorrow is April 1st, which most Americans affectionately refer to as April Fool’s Day. On this day, many people usually post practical jokes on social media that are really funny. But there is one joke that at least 1 in 8 couples will NOT think is funny. YES, you guessed it. I’m talking about the FAKE PREGNANCY TEST joke.
Now, here me out on this. We are all grown so I can’t TELL you what you can post on your page. What I can do though, is ask you to look at it from a different perspective. Although you and many others may think this joke is funny; for many people it’s anything but. For women like me, who are desperately hoping, praying, wishing, and believing God for a baby; these jokes are a reminder of what we don’t have and tend to incite emotional turmoil for us.
If you think that your joke won’t negatively affect anyone you know, please think again. Although infertility affects 1 in 8 couples, most of these people suffer in silence. A lot of times infertility makes the person feel shameful and guilty so they keep quiet about it. This means that your sister, cousin, best friend, Co worker, church member, etc may be dealing with this without you even knowing it. So tomorrow, before you post THAT April Fool’s joke think about those women (along with the millions of others that are going through infertility) and how it may affect them.
This Journey to Motherhood is filled with so many ups and downs. Oftentimes, the women on this journey go through a range of emotions on a daily basis. They can go from happy, to sad, to angry – all in a matter of minutes. I, myself, have been there; in that place where my emotions were all over the place and I didn’t know whether I was coming or going. I’ve come to learn that God’s Word is the best source of encouragement and hope in those low, dark moments. So I have compiled 31 bible verses for the woman that’s struggling. I pray that they will encourage you, renew your hope, and revive your faith on this journey.
Delight yourself also in the Lord , And He shall give you the desires of your heart.
May your unfailing love be my comfort, according to your promise to your servant.
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.
Blessed is she who has believed that the Lord would fulfill his promises to her!
Why, my soul, are you downcast? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God.
As for God, His way is perfect; The word of the Lord is proven; He is a shield to all who trust in Him.
“For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the Lord . “As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.
so is my word that goes out from my mouth: It will not return to me empty, but will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it.
“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.
He gives the childless woman a family, making her a happy mother. Praise the Lord!
God is not human, that he should lie, not a human being, that he should change his mind. Does he speak and then not act? Does he promise and not fulfill?
For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord , “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
I can do all this through him who gives me strength.
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.
And so, after he had patiently endured, he obtained the promise.
Fear not, for I am with you; Be not dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, Yes, I will help you, I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.’
The grass withers, the flower fades, But the word of our God stands forever.”
If you abide in Me, and My words abide in you, you will ask what you desire, and it shall be done for you.
For the vision is yet for an appointed time; But at the end it will speak, and it will not lie. Though it tarries, wait for it; Because it will surely come, It will not tarry.
Wait on the Lord ; Be of good courage, And He shall strengthen your heart; Wait, I say, on the Lord !
But He said, “The things which are impossible with men are possible with God.”
But those who wait on the Lord Shall renew their strength; They shall mount up with wings like eagles, They shall run and not be weary, They shall walk and not faint.
To everything there is a season, A time for every purpose under heaven
And let us not grow weary while doing good, for in due season we shall reap if we do not lose heart.
Be strong and of good courage, do not fear nor be afraid of them; for the Lord your God, He is the One who goes with you. He will not leave you nor forsake you.”
The Lord is my strength and my shield; My heart trusted in Him, and I am helped; Therefore my heart greatly rejoices, And with my song I will praise Him.
The Lord will perfect that which concerns me; Your mercy, O Lord , endures forever; Do not forsake the works of Your hands.
But if we hope for what we do not see, we eagerly wait for it with perseverance.
Therefore I say to you, whatever things you ask when you pray, believe that you receive them, and you will have them.
‘Ah, Lord God ! Behold, You have made the heavens and the earth by Your great power and outstretched arm. There is nothing too hard for You.
I thought it was fitting that I am releasing this blog post on the first day of the month AND the year! I pray these verses chart the course of increased hope and faith for the next 365 days. No matter what happens in 2017 remember that God is faithful and His Word concerning you still stands! In those moments when you start to doubt and get angry, remember these verses and most of all remember that GOD LOVES YOU! Happy New Year, loves!
**If you have any bible verses that you would like to see added to this list email me at firstname.lastname@example.org**
TO-DO LISTS are important and effective tools that many people use to stay focused and organized. Entrepreneurs, ministries, businesses, celebrities and even every day people use to-do lists to make life a little easier. But as I was laying down, drifting off to sleep last night, I wondered what the to-do list of a woman like me looks like? What does the to-do list of a woman believing God for a baby consist of? Well ladies, God gave me some things and I wanted to share with you all! So here goes……..
#1. Tell God THANK YOU! – God has heard EVERY SINGLE ONE of your prayers asking him to bless your womb and allow you to conceive a child. He knows those prayers word for word. He’s even seen EVERY tear that you’ve cried concerning this matter. So, with that being said, take joy in the fact that you don’t have to keep praying the same prayer over and over again. God has heard you, I promise. Now, all you have to do the next time you go to God in prayer is tell him THANK YOU. Thank Him for hearing and answering your prayer. Thank Him for the manifestation of His promise coming to pass. Thank Him for keeping you and strengthening you during this process. Simply thank Him for being who He is. (Remember 1 Thessalonians 5:18)
#2. Pray For Your Future Baby – If you’re believing in faith that God is going to fulfill His promise of giving you a child, then pray for that child. Even though your child has not been born or even conceived yet, it is never to early to start praying for them. Pray that God blesses them mightily. Pray that God’s will be done in their lives. Pray that you will be the best mother to them that you could possibly be. Pray for your future child as if you were already pregnant or your child was already born. Your child has a calling on his/her life and the enemy will do whatever it takes to detour your child. So start praying now and watch God give you strategies on how to deal with things that may arise after your child is born. (Remember 1 Samuel 1:11)
#3. PREPARE WHILE YOU WAIT – It is so very important to understand that your waiting is not in vain. It may not seem like it, but there actually is a purpose for your waiting period. God didn’t allow you on this journey just to wait and do nothing else. No, God wants you to work and prepare while you wait. Don’t get so caught up in waiting that your life passes you by. Ask God what you’re supposed to be doing while you’re waiting. Then ask Him to show you how to do “it” effectively and in a manner that brings Him glory! Also, preparation is key! Prepare for you baby as if you were already pregnant. Start putting money aside for the baby. Purchase clothes and little items for the baby room. Create a vision board for your baby shower (Hay House is an awesome app for this). Start preparing now so that when God does allow you to conceive, you have less to worry about!
Of course this is not an exhaustive list of things that should go on your to-do list but it’s a great start! If you have suggestions of things to add to this list, email email@example.com and I’ll feature your suggestions in another blog post!
There will be times on your Journey to Motherhood where you just want to be alone and all you can do is cry. THAT. IS. OK.!!
Do not go along this journey thinking that it’s NOT OK to cry. Doing so does not make you weak or any less of a Christian! It just makes you human.
It is OK to cry and have a moment (or even a day). Just don’t stay in that place too long. You don’t want to give the enemy any room to wreak more havoc. So, after you’ve cried, start to pray and worship the Lord. This will make you feel better and also send a message to the enemy. This will let him know that you may be temporarily sad, but you are NOT permanently defeated!!
If you are having one of these moments today then I want you to read Psalm 34:17-18 and let it minister to your spirit….
The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears them; he delivers them from all their troubles. The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.